Gratitude Sunday: It’s All Good; It’s Just Me

Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.

Quote of the Week – “If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.”  Leonard Cohen

Sunday Haiku
Diamond raindrops hang
from lichen covered branches,
sun sparkled jewels.

Sunday Musings
We are complicated people, aren’t we? I spend time trying to understand myself, thinking about events of the past, how I (or others) might have behaved differently, how the outcome might have been different, how I felt about what was happening at the time, and how I feel about it now. Then I think about all the time I think about the past and how you can’t change the past, ever, you never get to go back, get a re-do, or a do-over, so why spend time thinking about the past and how it made you feel at all.

Wouldn’t it be just as good to ignore the past and only move forward? Only problem there is the experiences of your past make up who you are now. You don’t learn new skills by ignoring the past, and they don’t bloom on their own, even though being present in the present is a good way to live.

See how complicated? Then there is goal setting. This includes the myth of choices. We don’t all have the same opportunities, advantages, or successes, so we don’t get the same choices, and we may have the same goals but not all of us will reach that goal. There are some of us who set the goals, do the work, put in the time, and the goal somehow still eludes us. I’m not saying we shouldn’t make efforts to improve ourselves, I’m saying the dice don’t always break the same way. It’s not only complicated, it’s complex.

I don’t know if it’s hormones (I’m an old woman), random physical pain (you don’t want to hear the organ recital, boring), financial challenges (I’m in the never-quite-enough level), the short dark days of winter (one day at a time), the pull of the moon (blue moon month), Mercury in retrograde (it’s not), or the sign I was born under (Libra), but my moods these days are all over the place. I apply the remedies I know, simple old fashioned notions of exercise, sleep, the best natural healthful foods I can afford, water.

Yet, there is nothing “wrong” with me. Of course there isn’t. If I tried to explain this odd feeling to my doctor, she’d recommend a counselor. My counselor says I’m old enough to do whatever I like. Maybe it’s spring fever. Maybe I was born with it. Maybe I’m just getting older. We don’t talk about the changes of aging, changes of ability, appetite, attitudes, aptitudes. Most of us are surprised to celebrate our 60th birthdays, but life doesn’t just stop because of a natal day. We go on living and learning. We could compare notes. Friends don’t let friends get old alone.

I thought I’d taken care of myself well enough that I’d be working much longer than I have. It’s distressing the plans and goals didn’t go as planned and many goals were not achieved. It rather forces a pivot, but the pivot is limited. I must learn something new.

I’m an old dog, always have been. It’s hard for me to learn new things. I want to be a creature of routine. But life can’t be forced. Sometimes pushing and striving is not what is required.

Sometimes you must go with the flow. Allow the current to carry you. Glide with the waves. You must accept yesterday you were an octopus, today you are a manatee, and tomorrow a river otter, and the next day you are a crab. Having all those critters in you might make your skin itch, but what it means is all that striving doesn’t get you further along the path, it makes everything feel more stressful.

We are complicated creatures. It’s OK. If routine falls apart or remains the same, it’s OK. It’s another day, another night, another book, another movie, another conversation, another opportunity, another rain, another connection.

Color Watchcolorful attractions in my neighborhoods this week – Green is the color of the week. Hardy sedum overflows its aqua pot. Light green moss fingers on an old homemade birdhouse. Rely on sedums for winter colors jade green and pink. Looking forward to harbingers of spring like these white snowdrops.

Current View – {These are only my opinions about movies and books, but don’t let me stop you from trying these reviewed items yourself; your opinion may differ.} Burn After Reading (2008, rated R), with many of my favorite actors: Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, George Clooney, Brad Pitt. Quirky humor with a self absorbed woman trying to raise money for cosmetic surgeries getting mixed up in a wacky conspiracy to gain money through blackmail involving government agencies…Well, it’s complicated. And worth the time. * Occasionally I need totally inane humor to sustain me through dark days. Somehow the nights seem less dark than the days. Season 2 of Netflix’s Disjointed (2017, rated TV – MA) with Kathy Bates, another favorite actor, and stereotypical stoner humor, still laughable, but unlike most cannabis users I know. * Discovered Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2014, TV series not rated) with Jerry Seinfeld. I was not a fan of his TV show Seinfeld. I didn’t (still don’t) get the New York City humor (and had a university professor who scoffed at me when I told him so, as if I was naïve, or not sophisticated enough. I am, so be it, I own it, but not deserving of a scoff; I certainly didn’t scoff at him when he tried to come off as intellectually superior because he understood and liked this kind of humor. I might put in more effort watching and understanding Seinfeld, if I could get him to appreciate the cultural nuances of being poor and white like in My Name is Earl…). Comedians always leaves me smiling, which is what I need. Jerry has a different fabulous classic car in each episode, and he takes another comedian out to coffee in the cool car, just two comedians talking about cars and comedy and coffee and you get to go along for the ride. Pure fun.

Currently Reading – I enjoyed The Scapegoat so much, and I will read more Daphne du Maurier. That Winter Classic read so fast I have moved on to the 18 Best Stories of Edgar Allan Poe. January often feels scarier to me than October. In October summer has faded, the nights are getting longer, cold weather is starting, wind sounds spooky with all the dry leaves rattling together, but a few hardy flowers still bloom. But January, it’s cold, it’s been cold, it feels like it will never get warm again; the trees are naked of leaves and the nude branches sound like dry hollow bones striking each other; the nights are still long and you can’t tell they are getting shorter even at the end of the month; it’s wet and you can’t walk on the squishy grass. January is scary. Great month for Poe whom I first read as a 14 year old high school sophomore, introduced by a teacher who loved Gothic literature; his favorite author was H. P. Lovecraft. I remember Mr Bouthilet reading aloud to us teenagers who thought we were too grown up to listen to someone read us stories, and then he would lay out these horror stories and even the boys would stop giggling and goofing off. Oh, the power of words. This book is scarier still because the 3 point font size looks like a zillion no-see-ums squished on the page in a precise marching order. We’ll see how long I last with these tiny letters. * Learning To Be Old: Gender, Culture, and Aging(2003, aging and psychology) by Margaret Cruickshank. Growing older doesn’t have to be threatening or feared or medicalized or expensive. It’s how we look at it culturally and how we promote it and what we make of it. If you are told all your life you will be sick when you are older, you very well may be. I suspect we can change aging as we go along.

This week I have been grateful for:

  • How coastal the air smells after a freshening rain blows through the valley.
  • Rainy mild winter here (above freezing, at least), but can’t walk on the ground without sinking. Too early yet.
  • Having enough sense to not eat Tide pods. It’s not about hunger.
  • Calendar sales and not having to pay full price.
  • My local lending library system that keeps my review shelf full of a variety of books and movies, and if the system doesn’t have what I want they have access to libraries outside their system. I almost always get what I want. Oh, the power (might go to my head).
  • The fierce energy of aging.
  • Those 5 minute work windows.
  • Getting word my newest grand-nephew has been safely delivered of his mother, and the new family is tired but otherwise doing well.
  • The young people I know who are having to work two and three jobs to live. I remember working 80-100 hour weeks (I was self-employed) before I was 35, then the body started slowing down. Work all the hours you can while you can. It makes for great stories.
  • Listening. You can hear great stories.
  • A friend, who desperately needed a car because the car she loved died, and finally found a new-to-her car at a price that fit her pocketbook. A stressful wait, but going with the flow, you know.
  • Craving asparagus, honoring the craving, and knowing it means it won’t be long before asparagus season in Oregon.
  • Water.

Hoping you have a lovely week.

Namaste. Peace. Blessings.

Floral ribbon border by Laurel Burch

This entry was posted in abundance, Aging, Careers, Education, Exercise, GRATITUDE, Grief, Health, History, Nature, Photography, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Gratitude Sunday: It’s All Good; It’s Just Me

  1. piratesorka says:

    I recently read one persons acidic observation: “The kids who eat Tide pods today will be the tuture voters of America” GAAAAAKKKK! Patoooie!!
    Well I don’t think I have put this to print yet but it appears my boss is going to cut my hours. He has good reasons, in his eyes I am not performing at the top of my abilities. He and a few others have seen me sound asleep at my desk ( Damm drugs for my back!). He is not out and out firing me because when awake and not whimpering over my back or knee pain I am still pretty damm good at what I do. So Meidicare and Social Security await me this summer. I’m going to look into getting disability.
    Its really a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I will get more rest ( no more a spring chickie, just an old infertile hen) and a curse for alll sorts of reasons….some of which really scare me.
    The car is still good…but has a oil issue….so its back to the mechanic I go!


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