Gratitude Sunday: The Margins Less Traveled

Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.

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Sunday Haiku
Who can count the drops
of water refreshing earth
and filling rivers?

Sunday Musings
Whine, whine, whine. Money, money, money. I know. I’m always whining about money. Remember that phrase I keep trying to remember? The one about change being the only constant? How many changes can a person stand before losing a grip on reality? I’m not going to bore you with the surreality of the political climate. The day-to-day stuff is exciting enough when I’m busy whining about money.

I’m not very good at handling excitement. Part of the challenge of change is getting excited about a decision or an opportunity only to have them not go as planned. After several decades of learning control is an illusion, one also learns excitement often results in disappointment. Don’t get your hopes up, but go with the flow. The sequoia is strong; it is resilient; it bends with the wind even when it is old.

As we age change becomes harder to deal with. In the past I had the physical strength to do housework or yardwork when I was in between jobs. My memory could be fading but I don’t remember going more than a few weeks without a job. I used to be able to do a wider variety of work. I used to have confidence that I could always get work to pay my bills. Things change.

When you can no longer do the physical odd jobs you did in a pinch, in between having full time employment, it can be a shock to the system. If you can’t get an interview, let alone a full or part time job offer, when do you give up? When do you try something else even if you don’t have the credentials? I should run for president of the United States: you only need to be born in America, and over 35 years of age. With the currents events we’ve proven no experience is necessary to apply or prevail.

It is HARD to admit you can’t do what you once were able to do. REALLY HARD. You get treated differently. People ignore you. You become the possessor of a superpower: invisibility. After more than 40 years as a contributor to society you suddenly are treated like a leech. Old. Unable. Disposable.

Hwell. I’m still kicking and screaming. Still making a rather loud contribution even if I am just talking into the ether. Even though I’ve not had gainful employment for more than a year now, longer than I ever remember going without paid work, I’m busy breathing deeply trying not to panic. Things change every day. I’m traveling, as usual, down another road less traveled. I have fewer choices these days.

I don’t have the advantages of the best choices: I didn’t inherit money; I wasn’t born male; I am the (female) family breadwinner; I never had the skills or the physical beauty to attract men who would provide for me (and how demeaning is that!); I went to college late in life; and my opinions and mouth are just abrasive enough to be off-putting to many people. The double edge to that sword is obviously I’m too weird for the conservatives (or should I use the term normal-averages? for whom most things go according to plan), and not weird enough to fit in with the misfits (all the others of us for whom the regular rules don’t seem to function). I barely fit into the margins of the marginals.

I have had employment, it just hasn’t put money in my pocket yet. It’s different work than I’ve done before and I’m hoping to turn it into some sort of income. Soon would be nice. Patience is a virtue, and good things are rewarded in one way or another. I keep reading motivational writers who say if you do what you love the money will come. In my life that has yet to be seen, but I’m not done with this life yet.

I really dislike so much of this life has to be about money. I am a human being, not a human dollar. I just desire a certain amount of security. A bit of comfort zone from which to execute my new adventures. I don’t require much, but I do need a secure base from which to operate, like the toddler who ventures out and returns to mother to reassure all is fine. I’ve never been a couch surfer or a minimalist; I like my own bed and come with a personal set of baggage. I am no longer able to function when everything is on the edge; it takes up too much of my brain space, and my new adventure requires the use of my brain, as little as there is of it left.

Thank you for listening to me whine. I know it’s not fun to hear another person moan and groan about their life. Being able to vent frustration sometimes enables people to see their way clear to the next step. And since I’m on the road less traveled, I get to make up each step as I go along.

Color Watch – colorful attractions in my neighborhoods this week – It was so rainy this week it was hard to get out to get pictures, though I did spy the first of the cheery yellow crocuses. 1926749_10203291788239204_263360273_n2 A neighbor had a cute pot of colorful primroses. primroses

Current View – {These are only my opinions about movies and books, but don’t let me stop you from trying these reviewed items yourself; your opinion may differ.} Because of some recent inner turmoil, I felt the need for some fictional ruthlessness, so I’m watching the first season of Game of Thrones again. At least when you re-watch this kind of vivid story there are no surprises because you’ve been there before. * My local lending library was able to borrow a VHS tape (from Arizona!) of the original movie of The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone (1961, not rated). Thank goodness I still have a VHS player. This version starred a platinum blonde Vivien Leigh of Gone with the Wind fame with Warren Beatty sporting an Italian accent as the gigolo. Both versions (this and the Helen Mirren version) are based on a novel by Tennessee Williams. Now that I’ve seen both movies, maybe I’ll read the novel.

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Currently ReadingAll Over Creation (2003, fiction) by Ruth Ozeki. Gasp. “Resistance is fertile”. Required reading. * But What if We’re Wrong: Thinking About the Present as if it were the Past (2016, contemporary culture) by Chuck Klosterman, a series of essays posing questions about how the past informs the present and how that may affect or reflect the possible future. I’m not sure I always follow his logic, but his thoughts are interesting.

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This week I have been grateful for:

    • Chocolate.
    • The hubster, who cooks the best steak.
    • Patience. And still learning how to be patient.
    • Remembering it’s not always about me.
    • The moon so bright peering in my window on clear nights.
    • A glorious sunset Friday night, with puffy clouds and bright splashes of pink and gold.
    • Myriad shades of gray sky.
    • Waves and waves of rain. Take that, drought!
    • Electricity to light the indoors on gray rainy days.
    • Surviving another migraine.
    • Well placed expletives. Judiciously used.
    • Sweet almond oil which seems to be helping my peeling fingernails.
    • Listening to the rain from inside the comfort of a warm home.
    • Water.

Hoping you have a lovely week.

Namaste. Peace. Blessings.

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Floral ribbon border by Laurel Burch

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This entry was posted in abundance, Aging, Careers, GRATITUDE, Grief, Health, Nature, Photography, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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