Gratitude Sunday: Starting Fires

Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.

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Sunday Haiku
Air cools, rain refreshed,
autumn is not far away.
Chrysanthemum blooms.

Sunday Musings
Chapter done. The situation I’ve been dealing with since last January is complete. I had all these (immature) thoughts about when it was over of how I’d finally be able to tell the whole story. But, you know what? The precipitating incident is likely no longer important. I had a 16 year learning experience in a non-optimal environment. I survived. Dwelling on the past gives no momentum to moving forward. The details now are history, and the less said the better. Telling this story of misfortune will not prevent it from happening to others as it is pervasive to our society. Maybe one day, when there is enough distance from the whole mess, I’ll decide to tell the story. For now I need to let the fire die, rather than adding fuel.

Instead, I’m going to treat this like a commencement celebration. I get to move on. I will survive. I will do other things. I have to keep repeating this to myself so I don’t completely dissolve into depression, anger, and bitterness, those, you know, non-productive emotions. Choice is true in some things; I choose how I’m reacting and dealing with this. Day by day. Sometimes hour by hour.

Yes. I get to make choices now that feel forced or premature. Then again, it must be the right time to make those choices because they are presenting themselves now. Which road not taken will be the better road?

I am putting new habits on the calendar. Right now I have the flexible time to take care of my body, and take care of my home finding plenty of corners to clean, to take advantage of the farmers market and cook from scratch. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as I can find something concrete to keep me busy while I am living this meaningless life. (The previous sentence is paraphrased slightly from A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki.)

I’m not truly convinced my life is meaningless, but as I age I find I care less about what the meaning is. I had a path. I did some stuff; I have a legacy. I’ll get my new pathway under my feet soon. I’m looking at so many possibilities it is hard to choose. It’s hard to change. It’s hard to plan and set a goal. I need to selfishly take time to heal so I can finish the legacy creation.

I need the time to walk after breakfast, the time to do yoga before lunch, and swim before supper. I need the time to sleep and nap as the body says. I need the time to prepare fresh foods and eat them in a calm environment. I need the time to connect with a few people, to chat and share time. I need to prepare myself to be able to work again, whatever that work is.

It’s never easy to admit to being damaged goods, to not be as able as you once were. Most people I know, including me, just keep on going, working in spite of a body or mind that is no longer cooperating. You know; always do your best. Once you are damaged, however, it’s harder to do your best. You can no longer do what you once did, but you must persevere, right? So it works until it doesn’t, when the body or the brain finally fails to work. When you are finally not able. Then you have a new best. Not the same as the old best.

Then the surprise. There might still be something you are able to do and it probably won’t be what you used to do. You might have to be enterprising. You might have to be flexible. You might have to learn new stuff. You might have to work hard again. You might have to wait or you might find it right away.

You learn things when you think in new ways. For example, I started wondering why there wasn’t any financially wealthy people out there who helped disadvantaged people pay their mortgages to help create more housing security. Well, I started learning about ethics law. That almost seems like an oxymoron. I mean ethics are pretty self-explanatory. Why should there be laws about how ethics work if ethics are ethics? I started thinking too much. Anyway, ethics law says financially wealthy people who want to give away their money to help other not so wealthy people cannot give it to individuals. They must instead give it to foundations or charities who distribute that money.

So after learning this I can tell you my tired old brain started dreaming about what kind of foundation I would like to design. I’d like to help people retire and die in their homes without having to worry about the security of their home. I don’t care how capitalism works. I don’t care about profit. Obviously I would be re-distributing other people’s money, because I don’t have any. I have no idea of how to go about this so if you know how to start a foundation or how to get financially wealthy people interested in such a project, I’d love to hear your ideas. For now, my research continues.

What an entertaining thought for me! So many thoughts about how to get access to other people’s money to help other people become more housing secure. I’m dreaming, but one has to dream to create anything new, don’t they? Science fictions writers dream and years later the objects or capability they describe becomes reality. Think cell phones and electric cars. A novelist dreams and readers take their ideas to heart, and because of those ideas even social policy can change.

I talk so much about myself. It’s my only perspective. I’m grateful I have the wit to also think beyond myself. And don’t get me wrong about wealth. I live with great abundance, but after 50 years of working and paying taxes in this United States of America I have no security in my home nor do I have a secure cash flow. And if this is what I need for a feeling of security, I know there are multitudes out there who need the same.

I keep learning. I’ll never stop learning, which in itself is a kind of wealth. Art and information come in; my wild and crazy (or informed and intuitive) thoughts come out. Time for a new chapter and time to start a different fire.

Color Watch – colorful attractions in my neighborhoods this week – I love rocks; somebody gathered these whitish beauties at my local labyrinth. DSCN9022 These burgundy leaves and gray-burgundy plumes. DSCN9512 Bright harvest colors of rainbow chard. DSCN9535 Love the bright pinkness of this blossom. DSCN8846 And critters! Miss Ladybug on a dying thistle head. DSCN9545 (2) Bumbledee bee on sweet lavender. DSCN9536

Current View – {These are only my opinions about movies and books, but don’t let me stop you from trying these reviewed items yourself; your opinion may differ.} Self/Less (2015, rated PG-13) a sci-fi story about moving an old man’s mind into a young man’s body. * Seven Wonders of the Buddhist World (2012, not rated) a BBC documentary about Buddhist buildings around the world. * The Original Kings of Comedy (2001, rated R) 4 comedians film their stage show, funny truths one doesn’t usually say aloud, and with some colorful language. * Tried to watch a couple different comediennes on Netflix, but shut them off when they just used vulgarity and body fluids as “humor”, may as well listen to 8 year old boys. * Season one of Scott and Bailey (2012, not rated) a BBC TV series with women detectives, women bosses, and women administrators.

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Currently ReadingA Tale for the Time Being (2013, fiction) by Ruth Ozeki. Oh, my universe. I am in love with novels that make me want them to be my world, as if I could somehow move into the words, like a dream reality. When the words make me sweat and my head spin. This. The Nordic Theory of Everything: In Search of a Better Life (2016, social policy) by Anu Partanen. I may have to start a letter writing campaign to my legislators; moving where the policies fit a forward moving society is not likely in my budget.

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This week I have been grateful for:

  • Sweet earth ripe fragrance of wet blackberries still on the vine.
  • Cucumbers from the farmers market made into farmer’s pickles the way my mom used to make them, with thinly sliced sweet onions, apple cider vinegar, and salt and pepper. Chill an hour or two before eating. I add a dab of sour cream to the mix just before serving. Oh, how fresh it is!
  • Misty Kitty seeming perkier since his visit to the kitty doctor.
  • Autumn in every breath and breeze.
  • Getting some autumn clothing ready to wear. That means I washed a couple sweatshirts and some flannel pants.
  • Helping the hubster have a successful experiment at our local aquatic center.
  • Extra reading time this summer.
  • How just the right fiction novel comes to you at just the right time.
  • The amazing ability of authors to be novel in their words.
  • Enjoying a lovely mild summer.
  • Hearing cheers and joy of the season’s first university football game from my house. Listening to the game on the internet at the same time.
  • Visiting a friend and yakking till our mouths were dry.
  • Embracing my 6th decade immaturity.
  • Water.

Hoping you have a lovely week.

Namaste. Peace. Blessings.

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Floral ribbon border by Laurel Burch

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This entry was posted in abundance, Aging, Careers, Education, Entertainment, GRATITUDE, Grief, Health, Nature, Photography, Poetry, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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