Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.
Clouds shadow sorrow
grief hides behind faded blooms
rain days bring new growth.
You don’t see the blush of youth upon my cheeks.
You won’t see the budding of young adulthood on my face.
You can’t see the bloom of middle age or the full-blown blossom of maturity on my skin.
If you bother to look you might see the wilt of my stalk, the bend of my will, petals dropping faster than another day’s sunrise.
You might see seeds of wisdom, or roots firmly planted in self imposed dignity, but you might not see me aging gracefully.
You might hear cranky complaints, the fatigue of a failing body, the creaking of old bones, the struggle to find words to express myself, the grasping to retain fading memories.
More likely you will look only at the outward appearance: the wild white hair flying every direction in the wind, the lumpy limping body, the eyelids drooping over eyes once lit with passion, the chin creased with sagging wrinkles dragging my face toward my neck.
Most likely my invisibility cloak is fully visible. You do not see me, an older woman of inconsequence. You do not see me, the culmination of years of experience inside the home and out. You do not see me, the hidden passions, the joys, the sorrows, the grieving, the striving. You do not see me, the aging feminist who has been the only means of support for herself and her family. You do not see me, full of resentment from years of being bullied, victimized, marginalized. You do not see me, a person of internal golden light and love.
Most likely my circle of silence is fully engaged as well. You do not hear me, the echo of days past. You do not hear me, the voice of dissension and disappointment at the failure of our world to progress to the benefit of others despite the work of my contemporaries. You do not hear me, the cheerleader who is so proud of the younger generations who step up to help the world, instead of tearing it down. You do not hear me, the wails of grief resounding from my soul.
But I see you. And I hear you. I see you in your youth and in your aging. I hear your stories of the past and hopes for the future. I learn from your tragedies and your achievements however small or large they may be. I champion your causes and mine. You are not invisible.
Color Watch – colorful attractions in my neighborhoods this week – still more old pictures. Purple rhododendron. My uncle called this variety Blue Peter. A frilly pink poppy. See the tiny spider on this iridescent purple and white iris? The magenta shaded purple of a mallow, in the hibiscus family.
Current View – Finished season 1 of The Ranch (2016, not rated) a Netflix TV series, full of colorful (read: cuss words, including plenty of f-bombs) language in a dysfunctional family. Billed as a comedy, it does have its amusing moments, but there is drama as well with Debra Winger and Sam Elliot as the parents. * Wallander (2010, not rated), the BBC series with Kenneth Branagh. A Swedish detective deals with his own losses and grief while solving the crimes that come his way. * The Big Lebowski (1998, rated R), with Jeff Bridges and John Goodman, a second viewing for me, I remember it as being funnier the first time around (I got it for the comedy element). Sometimes you just can’t go back.
Currently Reading – It’s been a long time since I cried over a book. The Japanese Lover (2015, fiction) by Isabel Allende did it for me as I found myself weeping over this story of love and death, how true love, real love can include passion but does not have to, and how it transcends the challenges of life and death. If you have any passion or compassion at all in your life you need to read this book. This is the first I’ve read of Ms Allende’s work though I have been aware of her for many years. I will now try to read more as she tells a rich full story with unexpected plot twists, at least with this one, and I will expect no less from her other works. Back to How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life (2016, neuropsychology) by Caroline Webb. This is a popular title I am borrowing from my local lending library with limited circulating copies. So I read a few chapters while I have it and return it for the other people waiting in the queue and put it back on my request list again. It is going to take me several months to read it this way, but I do not want to own a copy. The joys of sharing taxpayer material. Yes, concurrently.
This week I have been grateful for:
- All the men and women who have given their lives either on the battlefield or afterward in service to our country. For those who are still alive thank you for your service to help us continue the opportunities we have and freedoms and peace we all fight for in our own ways.
- The 25 year old young man in my community who gave his life in service this month, though struggling with my sorrow and sadness for his family’s sorrow.
- “The opposite of war is not peace. It is creativity.” Paraphrased from the musical Rent by Jonathon Larson.
- The gentleman (complete stranger) who offered to help me get my grocery cart over the water hose in the way on the sidewalk. I managed just fine but I was grateful for the offer nonetheless.
- Finding a superb pain au chocolat at the New Seasons Market, the pain made with real butter, so light, flaky, fresh. Yum.
- Oregon Hood strawberries available at the local farmer’s market. They make the house and fridge smell so good. Early again this year because of the mild weather.
- Golden raspberries also at the farmer’s market, milder, sweeter, and less tart than red raspberries.
- Getting to watch a raccoon climb from the neighbor’s shed roof up into the pine tree they have just beyond the fence that divides our two properties. I had to watch carefully as his fur blended right in with the bark of the tree, even the rings on his tail. Then he perched himself for the rest of the day on the flat top of the tree where it had been topped, napping there looking like the topper on a totem pole.
- Spotting a squirrel next to the road outside a local cemetery. He was fun to watch as well.
- Looking forward to an interview next week.
- Going out for a walk to take my mind off an especially disturbing dream.
- Still being able to knock on the doors of opportunity. Trying to cultivate patience waiting for them to open.
Hoping you have a lovely week.
Namaste. Peace. Blessings.
Floral ribbon border by Laurel Burch
Floral paragraph dividers by Susan Branch