Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.
brightens my space indoors while
waiting for fresh air.
I’m a slow processor. I remember my dad saying I had to think on my feet, and from the time I was a little girl I never seemed able to do that, especially during any kind of confrontation. Because of that I don’t bother to lie: I can’t keep track of the stories, so much simpler to tell the truth because the truth is always the same. Being a slow processor is a bad thing according to the counselors at the grade school in my school district. It does make it hard to keep up with social nuances.
To complicate slow processing, I don’t understand social games. Male posturing I get a little bit more than girl games because I can observe from a neutral position. Even though I’ve been female since day one, I don’t understand female power games, manipulation, or the importance of social hierarchy. In my book one is kind, does the best one can, and everybody does their job. Pretty simple rules for living. Once I’ve been gamed I don’t learn the game or more about the rules of the game, I learn again to disengage and protect myself from the game. When I finally figure out I’ve been played I try not to reveal that to the players. No need to open myself to being repeatedly taken advantage of. The older I get the less tolerant I am of unnecessary strife and games.
It can take me days to figure out what really happened in a given situation. I’m the first one to own misbehavior on my part, but that is not true of 80 percent of the people I know. That’s a poor percentage; it’s so much more important to save face. Everybody makes mistakes, everybody (should) own/s them, let’s move forward, hopefully learning from whatever gaffe. It’s demoralizing to realize one is a victim once again, after reacting poorly to poor treatment or bullying.
Moving forward from a victimization works best for me if it includes a personal forgiveness. No matter what, in some way one plays a part and is complicit; that must be acknowledged whether it is a basis for guilt or not. I have to forgive myself for my poor reactions, for allowing my buttons to be pushed to the point I reacted, for the strength of my reaction, for being gullible enough to react, for any culpability I may have in the event.
Then I have to forgive the people who hurt me by letting their need to be better than me be theirs. I need to forgive them for whatever is going on in their world to make it so important to tell lies in order to accomplish whatever their little agenda is. I don’t need to be better than them: I need to be kind, to do my best, and do my job. I don’t need to play games.
That’s the forgiveness part. But I don’t easily forget, and I don’t call it holding a grudge as there is no element of revenge. To be hurt or gamed twice (or more) by the same person makes me feel foolish. It’s not appropriate to hurt other people, but it is acceptable to protect yourself from further soul damage. I can and will be kind to people who have hurt me but there will always be a distance. The distance is the broken bridge of trust between two people.
It’s perfectly acceptable to remember who is worthy of your trust, and who is trustworthy. And it’s acceptable to be kind to people whether you trust them or not. It’s particularly acceptable to be kind to yourself as you learn whom you trust and whom you don’t.
Color Watch – colorful attractions in my neighborhoods this week – late winter is springing up out there. Baby breath pink heather is blooming. I spied golden bright yellow crocus and jewel purple crocus before the pristine white snowdrops showed their tiny faces.
Current View – Last season of Last Man Standing the TV series with Tim Allen; humor, but distracting with conservative political jabs at Obama and progressiveness, which to me is not terribly entertaining. The United States of Tara, a Showtime TV series from 2009-2011 about a woman, played by Toni Collette, who is dealing with dissociative identity disorder and how her family attempts to support her. QuirKY. The Power of Forgiveness (2007, not rated) a documentary about interpersonal relationships covering Ground Zero to the Holocaust, from the Amish school murders to personal experiences, this viewing came at a good time. Calvary (2014, rated R) with Brendan Gleeson. A priest is threatened with murder for the sins of another priest. Intense, and a bit chilling. I’ve also been watching the final season of Downton Abbey on OPB Sunday nights.
Currently Reading – That’s Not English: Britishisms, Americanisms, and What Our English Says About Us (2015, English language) by Erin Moore. Fun spending a week in the land of biscuits (cookies), brollies (umbrellas), and bums (butts). I read many British authors and it’s a relief to know knackered means exhausted, not drunk. Brian Jones: The Making of The Rolling Stones (2014, biography) by Paul Trynka. Still; getting a bit more interesting as Brian begins to fall apart just as the Stones are achieving recognition. Finished The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto (2015, fiction) by Mitch Albom. Entertaining quick read about music and the life of fictional musician Frankie Presto.
This week I have been grateful for:
- Time invested in my labor union and the support of my local’s union members.
- People who make art and music. All kinds.
- My local aquatic center and the way they allow me to feel like I have a personalized experience in a shared public venue. I feel like I am pampering myself when I use the pool.
- Yellow. Purple. Gaudy giddy little blossoms.
- Blue. Yellow. Gray. Lovely sky.
- The vicarious thrill of well made travel videos, especially when they include history, culture, and food.
- Living in the same house for more than sixteen years after moving 20 times in my adult life.
- Learning to use essential oils.
- The fresh air we still enjoy in the greater Willamette Valley.
- Having plenty to do while the Super Bowl plays in the background.
Hoping you have a lovely week.
Namaste. Peace. Blessings.
Floral ribbon border by Laurel Burch