Gratitude * Sunday
Sunday’s heartfelt tradition.
A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.
A list of gratitudes, our gratefulness feeds one another.
Quoted from Taryn Wilson
Joining the Gratitude Sunday Tradition at Wooly Moss Roots.
I have to admit it is interesting, this aging thing. I am amused as gravity pulls earthward every muscle and bit of skin in my body and the wildly grizzled new white hairs zigzag every which way as if I’ve been struck by lightning shooting skyward, but the aches and pains? We are not amused. Yet I am grateful for every pain because it means I got through another night, awakened for another day, and walk still through each hour breathing welcome air. Here’s the cool thing: I’m not even all that “old” (what is age? A number) yet; I’m just noticing the differences.
I’ve been aware of daily pain in my body since I was a small child. Perhaps, as one doctor said, I am hyper-sensitive to my body. What does that mean? It’s the only body I know/experience/live in. She told me most people do not report being aware of every beat and flutter of the heart, or feeling food move through the digestive system, or having to concentrate on vision by seeing beyond the capillaries in the eyes.
Perhaps the pain would be different had I not carried various viruses with me for most of the years of my life. Or different still had my teeth not been filled with neuro-toxic silver mercury-amalgam fillings from the tender age of eight. Or different still from a life differently affluenced (read: much more so or much less so) than I experienced in my family financially. Or different still had acceptable food sources not changed from healthful, whole, farm raised, fresh from the garden, hand-butchered real foods to commercial over-processed over-sugared artificially flavored artificially colored hydrogenated chemical reproductions of fake food during a critical period in my physical and mental development.
Certainly the pain would be different had this body been coordinated, not subject to clumsy uncoordinated movements that send me plunging to the ground without notice, since I was a child. And it would be different had this heart been stronger, more able to fight for what is right and against what is wrong. This heart weakens with the sheer stress of being the sole provider every day, day after day, year after year, for self and others.
I’ve said before how I’ve had headaches all my life (neuro-toxins in my face?). If you look up what types of headaches are classified, I get them all, and some headaches I have are not described on any medical site I could find. Friday I spent the day in bed with a migraine, lights out, covers over my head, shivering with waves of brain pain. I don’t get migraines often but when I do they knock me out nearly a whole day. It takes me that long to creep out of bed sipping coffee and water and Coca-Cola and taking ibuprofen until I get enough caffeine and anti-inflammatories in me to begin getting relief. For hours and sometimes days afterward I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. All I had planned to do was stolen by my painful brain. I know it’s a migraine, but I’m sure I’m dying from a brain tumor. Migraine pain I might not be so grateful for. I’m grateful when it’s over.
After re-reading migraine information, I wonder now if last week’s fever was a pre-cursor. Why even pay attention to this kind of stuff? It just fascinates me what we know and don’t know about how the human body works. Why one person says he’s never had a headache (he “thought” he had a headache once) to me who is in near constant pain. Why one diabetic has to use insulin injections and another can control blood sugar levels with certain foods, and one won’t work for the other, they aren’t interchangeable. Why one person feels better when he exercises and the other person feels worse. Human bodies are just interesting.
Bodies let you know when they are tired; they stop working right. Bodies betray you and give you migraines, or catch the newest virus, or break instead of spraining. The brain and spirit may be willing, but the body might not cooperate. Getting older brings a whole new list of new pains. As Bette Davis said: “Old age ain’t no place for sissies.”
Once again I am reminded of my mantra, so hard to listen to and so hard to flow with: Change is the only constant. Whatever it is, don’t get used to it because the minute you do a change is required. Boy howdy do bodies fit that bill! As adults we think our bodies remain the same for years at a time but we age every day. We change every day; we learn every day; it’s never the same day. White hairs firecracker out of our heads every day. As it should be.
Color Watch – blooming attractions in my neighborhoods this week – a pink camellia; red hawthorn; bronzed leaves still clinging to branches waiting for the new green leaves to push them off looking rather golden in the sunlight; dwarf red tulips; the wide variety of pretty daffodil faces, so many shades of yellow and orange, and peach, belled and ruffled and twinned; magnolias, which my dad called tulip trees; a snow tree; and some purple lovelies I don’t know the name of, looking so artistic within some fluffy daffodils.
Currently Reading – The Spark of Life: Electricity in the Human Body (2012, biology) by Frances Ashcroft; Will the Real John Callahan Please Stand Up?: A Quasi Memoir: Lurid Revelations, Shocking Rejections, Irate Letters (1998, humor) by John Callahan; The Woman Upstairs (2013, fiction novel) by Claire Messud. Yes, concurrently.
This week I have been grateful for:
- The faint sweet fragrance of my white lacy plum blossoms.
- Finding an acceptable hand-made organic deodorant that really cuts the B.O. and doesn’t give me a rash. I’m such a sensitive girl. Check out Soapwalla here. Her mail order is very convenient and she is responsive to input. I love supporting an individual’s business.
- A wild first day of spring: ice on the windshield, sunshine, rain in the afternoon, tulips.
- Art and creation. In all its forms: writing, drawing, painting, gardening, theater, film and all the rest.
- Another day.
- The mostly fresh air in the semi-rural town I live in.
- Grass growing so it needs mowing. I enjoy the fragrance of mowing. Especially since the hubster mows.
- Word processors. Digital cameras. Cell phones.
- My local public library.
- A whole bunch of new fiction I can hardly wait to read. I don’t get spring break off. I don’t care. The books will still be there.
- Dinner out with a friend this week. We both had Thai food for the first time. We tried to pick dishes with lots of flavor, but not too spicy hot. We could have talked a couple more hours. It was fun and tasty, too!
Hoping you have a lovely week.
Ribbon border by Laurel Burch